a day in the life of a jaqque

4:24pm: Almost a Year
It has been almost a year since my last update.

I was testing downloading a PDF from http://www.scribd.com/ and I used my livejournal OpenID to log in. I figured while I was signed in, I might as well make a post.

Oh - lots of things are going on. I must admit I'm not much of a blogger at all. I don't consider myself to be terribly private, but I don't consider myself to be extremely public either.

I guess the best way is to find me on IM or IRC.

Grandcentral has been absorbed by Google. It is now Google Voice. For those of you that have my KRyptonite number, it can now receive text messages. I have not tested MMS (picture) messages yet.

-pause-

My testing seems to indicate it is SMS only. That's fine by me. I'm not too sure about Google having access to even more of my personal data. They claim do no evil. Only time shall tell.

:wq

2:17pm: You must be tired . . .
. . . you've been running around my mind all night!

Not just a cheesy pick-up line anymore. This morning I got up completely groggy, because my entire night was filled with REM sleep.

I Capital-H Hate when that happens. Now I am stuck in a strange fugue-like state, and going to sleep won't help - it will just initiate more REM I fear.

The working theory is falling asleep while watching 2001: A Space Odyssey is the likeliest culprit.

Maybe I was trying to run away from Freddy Krueger. It is Friday the 13th after all.

5:34pm: 2001
I was watching Stanley Kubrik's _2001: A Space Odyssey_ last night with my
elder son (who is currently 9, and who should have been in bed). We were
watching Haywood Floyd travel to the space station, when he asked me ``Dad,
do you want to be an astronaut when you grow up?''

I had to pause the movie I was laughing so hard.

3:42pm: Off to the Theatre
Friday, I heard about One Man Star Wars Trilogy. It is a one-man play; and it captures the original Star Wars trilogy in one hour. That would be episodes 4, 5, and 6. Lea and I decided to go. So off we went. We had a great time. There were no props involved, just some lighting changes, and one man, Charles Ross, doing all the parts. It was really very good. If it comes by your area, go and see it.

He is also going to start a One-Man Lord of the Rings trilogy. As I am not as familiar with the Lord of the Rings, I am certain a lot of the humor would be lost on me. Chances are, I will not go to see that one.

Saturday, again, Lea and I went to X-Sanguin. That was fun. I was in a bit of an asocial mood, but we had fun despite that. Lea got quite a few comments on the rope gauntlets I tied for her. We did not stay out nearly as late as we did the year before. One of the highlights was, at the Pink Denny's, I heard someone remark "hit man" as I walked past them, felt like Vincent from Pulp Fiction.

Last night, there was an eerie tint to the world. The cause was the Horse Fire currently burning in Horse Thief Canyon. Seven Thousand acres have been burnt. Some areas have been evacuated. I don't expect this one to get as bad as the Cedar Fire was almost three years ago. Let's hope not, anyway.

---

OOPS This was supposed to be finished up on Monday! It is currently Tue Jul 25 13:13:44 PDT 2006. Let's see what LiveJournal does with it.

6:15pm: Happy iDay
Yes, the good marketing folks at AAPL have gotten to me. From this day on, July 4th shall be known as iDay.

So last night, the R-A/R household headed out for fireworks. They started at 9pm, and we left the house at 8:30pm. We could not get to where we were intending. This turned out to be a good thing. We ended up at the field where they were launching the fireworks from. We were so close, the cops came by and hassled us to move back.

I seem to have this thing about getting hassled by cops. I was not even wearing my Black Flag t-shirt.

I also did not wear my IMPEACH BUSH! t-shirt with my Not My President button. Since we did not make it to the festivities proper, there really was no reason to.

Rbr had a blast with the fireworks. John5 was being a little kill-joy by complaining about the noise. I am going to ask him today if he enjoyed the fireworks. My guess is that he will say yes, and not mention at all the noise. Always the way, eh? At the time, we can think of only the bad but later, we remember all the good.

---

Unrelated note, last Saturday Mistress Snipe took me to Zen Sushi and Martini Lounge, in Del Mar. That was a lot of fun. I actually had the bartender come out and query me if the Martini he made for me (it was a Surprise Me, with some direction) was good. Indeed, it was. Next time, I may actually have to try the sushi.

What could be better than sushi in one hand, and a martini in another? These lounge type places are over-due for a comeback. Anyone interested in opening a Tiki Lounge?

11:47am: Death to the Guilty
Last night, I was very proud of rbr.

When he was younger, rbr let john5 do all of his talking for him, so his language arts skills seem to lag. It does not help that john5 has a reading comprehension at least two grades beyond his own. That skews the expectation pool.

So last night, john5 asked me to play hangman with him. Of course, I had to. Hangman can be quite fun. I warned him that I was evil. I meant it.

To start off, I gave john5 an easy puzzle: ``MARCH OF THE PENGUINS''. Last winter's gift-exchange season (commonly called Christmas in this country) he got a lot of March of the Penguin stuff, and general penguin-related merchandise. As expected, he solved the puzzle. It took him about six to eight wrong guesses, but he did it.

He then gave me a puzzle. I was able to get it, even though he kept forgetting to fill in the blanks with letters I had correctly guessed. At least he did not try to hang me with a letter that was in the puzzle.

I followed that with ERROR. We all know that shorter words are harder. He had ERR_R, and hung himself. I told him that he should have used up the vowels. He needs to learn letter frequency, also. He seems to have a fascination with the letter Z. He kept guessing it.

I then gave rbr a puzzle. He solved it rather handily. It was his own name, and he recognised it when he had about half the letters filled in. His one wrong guess: the letter V.

I then gave john5 a chance to redeem himself. I gave him one last puzzle, He got to _OO_S IN A _OO_CASE. He guessed four wrong letters in a row. Z was one of them,of course. john5 had not a clue. I looked at rbr. I saw a clue. I asked john5 if rbr could guess a letter. He said yes. I let rbr guess a letter. His choice: B.

BOO_S IN A BOO_CASE.

I challenged rbr to solve the puzzle.

He did it. I was impressed. I saw that he knew it when I asked him for a letter. I am very glad that rbr can surprise me like that. I hate to think that I underestimate him (which I think I do), but I am very glad when he rises to tasks. His language arts is really doing well. He is reading well, too. Slowly, but well. He needs a bit of encouragement to read some of the bigger words, but he usually gets it the first try.

I will have to play hangman with them again. It was quite the experience.

----

On an interesting note about LJ: It has no problems with john5, but it thinks rbr should be brr, BR, Br, Rb, or RBI.


No post statistics, as this was composed in Firefox.

4:10pm: Ow.
I feel akin to having had been punched in the gut.

This is merely exacerbated by my current state of massive sleep deprivation, not because of it.

10:58pm: I really have little to say at the moment.

Other than randomly complaining bitterly about the things that are annoying me.
Such as vmWare and it liking to send ALT-F4 to the guest operating system when it has grabbed the keyboard.
Those of you (who is everyone, I assume) that uses or has used a Microsoft based GUI in the last 15 years knows that ALT-F4 closes the active window. Well, in my primary GUI environment (Window Maker) I have that configured to change to the fourth virtual desktop. That makes me happy. Closing windows in the vmWare guest environment makes me sad. Actually, it annoys me more than anything. Especially after I have done it for the fourth straight time in one day.

I am a happier camper when I do not have to open the vmWare instance once.



I still have no decent client for this thing.

Word is coming that I will get to learn Subversion. Not that those are terribly related, but there you have it.

11:25am: About Damned Time
Without further ado:



There is a post I have been sitting on awhile. Almost a year now. It has really

*pause*

It has been one of those blockades. I wrote it. I sat on it. I have not published it, yet. I should.

Done. Go read it here: A More Serious Topic

I still miss my Mom.

2:21pm: New Tests!
Geek Test Results
You are 57.5% geeky.

Not bad. Maybe you spend a little too much time with your computer, but at least you have friends. You do have friends, right?

The current average score is: 33.06%

Fact: 5.69% of people who took this test wear a bum-bag on holiday.

http://www.matthewbarr.co.uk/geek/index.php

4:54pm: Special Task Force Team Alpha: Operation K9R
1600: Special Agent Daddy (myself) and Special Agent John (john5) get the call to infiltrate the compound (Charley Brown Daycare) to collect the Director of Intelligence (rbr).
1605: The team is outfitted (john5 put his shoes on) and ready to go. We leave headquarters (home).
1615: We stop at the Terrorco Outpost (the local Shell gasoline station) to collect vital supplies (we stop to get gasoline). We go over the plan:
Step 1: Infiltrate the compound.
Step 2: Forge the documents granting release of the ``prisoner.''
Step 3: Locate the Director.
Step 4: Exit the compound. Return to HQ with the Director.
Standing orders:
1) Remain low
2) Remain quiet
3) If approached, we are looking for the Kroger. Our inside agents will know that as a code, so we can identify ourselves.
1630: We arrive at the compound. We exit the vehicle, and survey the area. No one has been alerted to our presence.
1632: Documents forged (I sign Robert out). We begin the search for the Director.
1633: We searched the building, and made our way to the outside prisoner lot. No one was in the building, and no one detected us. One set of refugees (a mother and her children) was exiting the compound, but no officials were alerted to our presence. Special Agent John was detected by the refugees, but he remained quiet and calm. A true credit to the Force.
1635: We locate the Director, he recognised us and came towards us. We exit the compound. We got odd looks from the guards due to our peculiar actions, but they take no action.
1640: We exit the compound, Director in tow.
1645: We arrive back at headquarters. A page announces that more vital supplies are ready to be picked up (my timer for the laundy went off). We collected the supplies on our way back to HQ. Mission Complete.

3:49pm: Audience Participation Excercise #1
word pair meme

Pick one word from each pair that you think describes me the best & leave it in the comments in my journal. Post this in your journal and see what everyone thinks about you.

• dominant or submissive
  
• logical or intuitive
  
• social or loner
  
• kinky or vanilla
  
• cute or sophisticated
  
• kitten or puppy
  
• warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
  
• leader or follower
  
• quiet or talkative
  
• spontaneous or planned
  
• teddy bear or porcelain doll
  
• hiking or window shopping
  
• coffee or tea
  
• top or bottom
  
• bare foot or shoes
  
• jeans or slacks
  
• tender or rough
  
• aware or dreamy
  
• nerd or jock
  

PS: They spelled ``jaqque'' wrong.

3:41pm: Stolen from karenbcrazy

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

11:37am: No Updates
I can tell you why I have not updated recently: It is not easy enough to do so.

I can think of lots of little things I'd like to remark upon, such as this incident that just occured:
That was interesting. I was in the restroom, and the soap dispenser used the palm of my hand as a ramp, and got a blob of soap on my shoulder. Rather neat trick!

Firing up a browser and an editor just to write that is too much overhead. It takes too much time. This is why I really have not updated. I need a client that makes this stuff easier.

Since I am just using Firefox to update this right now, you won't see my stats: footer. It also means I have no backup copy of this.
Oh well. I guess it is a throw-away account.

If I have CVS access to my journal... That would be easy. But no, I don't get that, now, do I?
Subversion would even work. Something.

Content management systems all suck.

1:05pm: Stasis
I've not updated in a while. This might conclude one to think that my life has been in a stasis. Far from true. A lot of things have happened.

The question then becomes, why no updates? Another title for this entry could be ``Before the Waves Take Me Alive.'' Looking back, I can see that my entries tend to come and go in waves. Sometimes I post a lot, other times days, weeks, even months go by without a single entry.

I also like to complete things I start. I have quite a few stalled entries. Of course, my system[1] right now does not have a way to easily indicate which entries I have actually uploaded and published. I need to work on that, also. I have a million things I need to do.

[1] I mean the mechanism I use to create, edit, and update my LiveJournal posts.

Which brings me to a few things that I do want to share. Yesterday, I was sitting in Wendy's, enjoying my lunch with my Number One Son. Perhaps, more correctly, he is my Number Five Son ;)

Anyway, I watched a woman walk in, place her order, wait, and leave when it was ready. I noticed that she was what is considered overweight. I also noticed that it did not bother me in the slightest. Some people are entirely grossed out by the thought of an overweight person. I, myself, am tiny. People constantly make jokes about it, like a strong wind will blow me away, or that if I turn sideways, I will disappear, or if I drink a strawberry soda, I will look like a thermometer.

I concluded that I would much rather be with someone that is happy with their size, be they large, small, or in-between, than anyone with an eating disorder. That is one thing I cannot really tolerate too well, I am afraid. Give me someone that is happy with themselves, vice that person striving for that unattainable goal. Happiness comes from within, and not that within that comes out of the mouth after a meal.

Saturday, John5 got his Yellow Belt, First Degree awarded to him. He passed his test the first time up. I am quite proud of him for that! Some of his forms, particularly his blocks, need work. He will have that opportunity to get that :)

I remember being in Judo. All of us, white to black belts, were in the same class. It was not fun going up against the purple belts, let me tell you. In John5's class, the white belts are segregated, then the orange and yellow belts train together, then the other belts are lumped together somehow. I lost my paper that shows all the times, so I forget.

Some of the major differences that I remember, in Judo, we took our test when we were ready. There was no predetermined time. When we passed, the next week we wore our new belt. We had to buy it ourselves. My mom dyed ours for the most part. I was planning on doing that, myself.

With the Tae Kwon Do, John5 took his test on Test Day. The next week was Award Day. He got his new belt (I did not pay for it, other than testing fee of 10$), he got a medal (which I want to get engraved), and a certificate, suitable for framing. Not to mention a nice ceremony that we got to stay for and watch. Even Robert got to stay, and applaud.

I would have liked to been awarded my Yellow at that time, but, since Robert is too young to participate (he runs off), I had to drop out also. Next year, when Robert is a bit older, I should be able to rejoin the class. I'm still bigger than John5, so I won't worry about him beating my up just yet.

Wow. I am impressed. That was a very nice award ceremony. They really did good.

I got a Eeksmass, Xmas, Giftmas, Christmas, Sol Invictus tree up. Call the Holiday/Holyday what you will. I don't care. It is even decorated! Somewhat. There are no lights on it, but there are some toys that Robert put on. I found a nice bat to put on the tree. It was a Halloween decoration, but now it is a $HOLIDAY decoration.

I'm very happy that I am going to get to spend the $HOLIDAY with a couple that we love dearly. It will be a good, fun day.

---

Today, I was introduced to the concept of a cuddle party. Seems like an interesting concept. One thing that I have heard over and over that human touch is good</em>. I have to agree. I know I feel better when I am cuddling with the kids, or other people.

Speaking of touching, I absolutely adore John5. Today, when dropping off Robert at his day care, the one that John5 used to go to, he insisted upon hugging everyone, child and adult. He even went to kiss some of his friends. The thing I like most is that John5 does not care if his friends are male or female. They will each get kissed and he does not make a distinction based upon gender.

Of course, John5 is the type to hug strangers. He is über-friendly. As scary as it sometimes is, I would not change it. Ever.

I am probably forgetting a lot of stuff, but, that's okay. Our lives are transient. I know John5 said a lot of things that I loved hearing, and I cannot remember. Heat death will consume us all in the end. I am a firm believer in the Open Model of the Universe.

--
Post Statistics: 43 Lines, 968 Words, 5131 Characters

12:28pm: Bold Meme

1. I miss somebody right now.
   
2. I watch more TV than I used to.
   
3. I love olives.
   
4. I love sleeping.
   
5. I own lots of books.
   
6. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
   
7. I love to play video games.
   
8. I've tried marijuana.
   
9. I've watched porn movies.
   
10. I have been in a threesome/foursome.
    
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
    
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
    
13. I have acne free skin.
    
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
    
15. I curse frequently.
    
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
    
17. I have a hobby.
    
18. I've been told I have a nice butt.
    
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
    
20. I'm really, really smart.
    
21. I've never broken someone else's bones.
    
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
    
23. I love rain. a lot.
    
24. I'm paranoid sometimes.
    
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar free.
    
26. I need money right now.
    
27. I love sushi.
    
28. I talk really, really fast.
    
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
    
30. I have long hair.
    
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
    
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
    
33. I was born in a country outside of the u.s.
    
34. I shave my legs.
    
35. I have a twin.
    
36. -elided-
    
37. I couldn't survive without caller i.d.
    
38. I like the way that I look.
    
39. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
    
40. I know how to do cornrows.
    
41. I am usually pessimistic.
    
42. I have mood swings.
    
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
    
44. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
    
45. I have cheated on a significant other.
    
46. I have a hidden talent.
    
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
    
48. I think that I'm popular.
    
49. I am currently single.
    
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
    
51. I enjoy talking on the phone.
    
52. I practically live in sweatpants or pj pants.
    
53. I love to shop.
    
54. I would rather shop than eat.
    
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
    
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
    
57. I'm obsessed with my Xanga.
    
58. I don't hate anyone.
    
59. I'm a pretty good dancer.
    
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
    
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
    
62. I have a cell phone.
    
63. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
    
64. -elided-
    
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
    
66. -elided-
    
67. I have never been in a real relationship before.
    
68. I've rejected someone before.
    
69. I've graduated college.
    
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
    
71. I want to have children in the future.
    
72. I have changed a diaper before.
    
73. I've had the cops called on me before.
    
74. I bite my nails.
    
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
    
76. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
    
77. I have a lot to learn.
    
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger...
    
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
    
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex esp. when they are really good looking.
    
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
    
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
    
83. I have tried alcohol before.
    
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
    
85. I own the "South Park" movie.
    
86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on xanga or livejournal.
    
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
    
88. I enjoy country music.
    
89. I love my best friends.
    
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
    
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
    
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
    
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
    
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
    
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
    
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
    
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
    
98. I have dated a close friend's ex.
    
99. I'm happy as of this moment.
    
100. I have gone scuba diving.
     
101. I have had a crush on somebody you've never met.
     
102. I have kissed someone you knew you shouldn't.
     
103. I play a musical instrument.
     
104. I strongly dislike math.
     
105. I'm procrastinating something right now.
     
106. I own and use a library card.
     
107. I fall in 'lust' more than in 'love.'
     
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
     
109. I think 'The Lord of the Rings' is one of the greatest things ever.
     
110. I'm obsessed with the TV show 'Lost'.
     
111. I think Beyblades is the coolest show in Coolsville, and I think that Tekken is the rockingest game in Rockville.
     
112. There are more things I could be better at, if only I tried harder.
     
113. Sometimes I don't like food.
     
114. I worry sometimes that I'm not being the best friend I could be to the people I care about.
     
115. I desperately want people to respect me but it rarely happens.
     
116. I have never been able to say anything positive about myself and truly believe it.
     
117. I am bisexual.
     
118. I think Scottish accents are very attractive.
     
119. I'm very neurotic and suffer from acute paranoia.
     
120. I speak another language besides English.
     
121. I joke about eating, shaking, and kicking babies.
     
122. I'm most likely to spend money on music, cosmetics, and/or magazines.

Care of mindcrime.

--
Post Statistics: 128 Lines, 889 Words, 5641 Characters

6:13am: Five
Five times this afternoon/evening she who used to be called hecate04. I guess she has not figured out that I am not talking to her. I wish I could tell my phone ``use the silent ring tone for unknown/withheld numbers.'' I have already added her boyfriend's cell number to that group. It works great.

Okay, I could do it by using the silent ring tone as the norm, and adding everyone else to a non-silent caller group. That also means that people that are calling from unknown numbers (like perhaps the children's school/daycare) will never be heard. I cannot accept that option.

So I am stuck with ignoring those particular calls. This is also why I turned the phone off on Thanksgiving.

I had a good Thanksgiving. I got to spend it with gkra, azure7sky, klrmn, and her husband. I can pronounce his name, but I am not sure how to spell it. So I will leave it as is until someone fills in the blank for me.

I tried very hard to be useless. I really did. Even though I was watching everything occur, thus I was in the role of allowing it to happen by observing it. I did get the assist on the wine selection. First time we had ever had a White Merlot. It was quite good.

It was during the standing around time that I was enticed to make the stuffing. Since there were microwave directions, and there were at least two other people in the kitchen, I stayed safely out of their way and used the microwave. Yes, I cheated. So what? It was still pretty good :)

After dinner, we had more wine as we moved into the living room. I should not say that between the five of us, we finished off near seven bottles of wine. Two of us passed out, and one of us, erm, had an accident. I shall not name names and will let the guilty parties identify themselves. Furthermore, I shall refrain from making any admissions of innocence or guilt of any accusations.

Needless to say, no one drove home that evening. Since klrmn and her husband had flown in from Atlanta, that would have been a very difficult drive. I am also going to refrain from making any admissions as to when I finally wandered home.

During the weekend at some point, I was introduced to Halo. Neat game. gkra and I kicked some major alien butt. We almost finished the game on Easy level. It was turning midnight, and we called it a night, failing to realise that we had but two episodes left. Had we known that, we probably would have finished the game.

---

So let's assume that sometimes, we have thoughts and/or feelings that we wish to explore, however they are currently either too private or too raw to actually share with anyone else. How do we resolve that?

I ask, because I have some of those to work through. Do you have someone that you do tell absolutely everything to? I end up spreading the wealth, as it were. In a general sense, I don't think anyone ever gets anything. In my specific case, I know that to be true. I extrapolate from my specific into the general because who do you talk to about your problems/issues/experiences with this one trusted person?

We tend to expect a husband and wife to share everything, but even they will turn to their non-spousal friends on certain occasions. This is what I mean, there is no one absolute trusted confidant.

I really need to figure some of this stuff out. I need to do it, soon, too, before it festers into something really bad.

In the past, I have found writing to be cathartic. One thing I have never kept is a journal. (Hello! What is this?). I mean a written journal. I have written down things, an then years later found them again. However, some of my better things have been lost. I have grown way too accustomed to losing things. I guess this is why I don't really care about my complete lack of a filing system. In 100 years, how much of it is really going to matter? 1000? 10,000? Taking a long view, and we can see the infinitesimal effect we have.

I've found too often that I want to say something, and the words I am thinking seem completely inadequate. I try to find new and better wordings, to more finely express what I mean. This causes long pauses. Most of the time, I end up using the words I had initially thought of, as I can find no better ones.

I become very painfully aware of these pauses, because my father used to do that to my mother (though I have no idea why, all I know of are the pauses). My mother would complain to me about them.

While a agree that parents should not have to bury their children, at the same time, parents should not be taken from their children when they are too young to know to ask the important questions. I can only hope that my mom happens to know the answer to that particular question: Why would my father pause in a conversation?

When I was in High School, a friend of mine, Holly, pointed out that I often would not answer a question when posed. However, if she was patient, she would be given an answer. Oft times, that is because i had never thought of such things. Instead of giving a half-assed answer, it is better to really contemplate the topic and give a good answer. Obviously, we are talking more philosophical things (what does become of a soul after we die?) vice the more immediate concerns (what would you like to go get to eat?)

Speaking of indecisive eaters - a waiter once told me ``in three hours it won't matter anyway.'' Baring notable exceptions (food allergens being a good one) this is very true. Next time you are at a restaurant and don't know what to get, get something you have never had before. You might not like it, or you may. Either way, three hours later the problem is solved.

I'm contemplating not going to work Monday. I have things that I want and need to do, and I have not done them yet. Some of the things I want to do I can only do tomorrow, such as see klrmn and her husband again before they head back to Atlanta. Other things can wait, such as grocery shopping.

I have taken a lot of unexpected time off this month. The University is trying hard to get into that Paperless Society that has been bandied about so much, that they have taken to no longer printing and distributing the vacation/sick time accruation report. Instead we get to use the interweb. What this really means is that I used get get a monthly reminder. Now I get nothing. Push technology vs pull technology. The Leave And <something that begins with R> Summary is one of those things best left as push technology.

I thought about writing a script to query for the LARS and email it too me. I could go so far as to encrypt the mail, so the snooping admins (who probably already have all the SSL keys anyway) won't see my precious leave balances. Wait, I am one of those snooping admins. How come I don't have any of the SSL keys?

I should have concluded this long ago, but NaNoWriMo is not for me. I like the idea, I like the idea a lot. However, I do not have it in me at this time to bust out 50,000 words in 30 days.

One time, on IRC,

So earlier in the evening I was hanging out in my favourite IRC channel, #kernel-panic on the freenode network. jshufelt pointed out that we were all having fun on a Saturday night. I did point out that there were places I would much rather be. I then corrected that there were people I'd much rather be with.

I suppose the point there is that it does not matter where you are, as long as you have good company with you.

I am starting to get sleepy. I am fairly certain my cats missed me these past couple of days. I am not sure if Shiva did or not. I am fairly certain the rest did.

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1:30pm: Happy Journal Day!
I was looking at my user info, and I noticed something; I created this journal one year ago today. I have 107 entries (including this one), for an average of one post every 3.4 days.

Yay, jaqque!

There will be pie tomorrow at 11am in the conference room. Be ready to sing :)

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11:41pm: The King is Dead
The King is Dead. All Hail King George.

CNN right now is calling Ohio too close to call. The other major networks (so sayeth CNN) are calling Ohio a win for Bush. Florida already fell.

Welcome to another four years of tyranny by our Bush Overlord with his Mandate from God. I fear for us, I fear for the world, and I fear for our children.

I think the H4x0r Economist says it best:



We are all poor people. We all suck. We are all fucked.

I have not given up all hope. I am not in hell yet.

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4:17pm: Never Offer Choices
Happy All Hallows Day, the Day of the Dead.

This morning, I dropped john5 off at school, and I asked him if he would like to walk in by himself, or if he would like me to walk him into the auditorium. He told me that he wanted to walk himself.

I gave my son a choice, and he chose to grow up a little bit. Each passing day is another step away from me. He's not left me yet, not even close. He is getting closer. I have yet so much more to teach him, and only so much time to do it.

I was sad when he chose to walk himself in. I am not sure I am going to give him the same choice tomorrow. I like being a part of his life.

NaNoWriMo has begun. I have not started my novel yet. I will do that after the kids go to bed. My goal is 2000 words per day. Do not expect a lot of other posts from me for this month. I will still keep up with your goings-ons, though.

This weekend was a complete mess. Okay, not a complete mess. There were a few good spots. I'll share one of them.

Friday night was the night of the Halloween Carnivals for both john5's and rbr's schools. I had Raven with me, and we went to rbr's carnival first. The kids immediately went to the Astro Jump. Rbr decided that the shoes being taken off was optional, so I had a lot of fun trying to fish rbr out of there, and getting his shoes off.

Also there, there was a haunted house. John5 was scared to death of it. I didn't help at all. I'm the Daddy, it is my job to ensure the kids are appropriately scared. In eight years, he will be too jaded to be scared. Rbr was, as always, cool as a cucumber. He is already jaded ;).

We went to john5's carnival second. We had dinner, hot dogs and pizza. Raven went back in line for nachos because I was merciless teasing her how I had yummy yummy nachos. I was also on the phone with azure7sky and telling her about the yummy yummy nachos that they had at the carnival. I was called names, mostly evil, which I readily accepted.

John5 was very interested in the Haunted House at his school. I was surprised, considering how scared he was at rbr's Haunted House. John5 actually screamed, and wanted to turn around and go the other way. I would not let him, of course.

We got in line for the haunted house. I was doing my best to scare john5 even more. Raven thought I was being too mean, and tried to tell john5 how it was all make believe. I insisted that it was all true. John5 was very very scared. Rbr was, you guessed it, cool as a cucumber. It seems that nothing phases that child.

Walking through, john5 refuses to hold my hand. Considering how badly I scared hi, I am not surprised! He was happy with Raven, who was trying to reassure him. They did a nice job on the haunted house. Then even had some nice open graves.

After that, it was more games and such. They also had a maze, but the line was way too long, and the kids were starting to get cranky. No major worries. While waiting in line, one of his classmates, Gabrielle, finds him.

Her mom informed me that Gabrielle had been looking for john5 all night, asking ``Where's John?'' Finally, john5 completed his game, and found Gabrielle waiting for him. They got to talking, and john5 gave her a hug, and they were acting so cute, I had to ask, ``Awww! When are the invitations going out?'' Gabrielle's mom and Raven both laughed. They looked so cute.

When it was time to go on, john5 wanted to give Gabrielle a kiss. She refused, so I told john5 to ask for her hand, and if she let's you, give her a kiss on the hand. Gabrielle let john5 take her hand, and he very gently kissed her hand. John5 is the mac-daddy. He was sweeping Gabrielle off of her feet. Oh, I was so proud of him.

That one event made my whole night.

Later, I might go into all the bad things that happened this past weekend. The amazing thing is, despite all the bad things, right now, I am in a very good mood. I am in such a better place than I was even a year ago.

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11:32am: Love
Love is a many splendoured thing.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines splendour as a great brightness. I am coming to learn, to feel, that the more we do love, the more we can love. I love my elder son no less because of my younger son. If anything, I love them both more,because I can better understand each child, as they interact off of the other one.

This I say to you, any of you who read this, if I love you, I love you. That is something that will not go away. If we have not spoken in years, I still love you. If you make me so angry that I want to spit bile, love you still do I. If I channel the spirit of Yoda, then, yep, you guessed it: I love you still.

How that love may manifest itself, in a lot of different ways. As each person is a unique individual, so too are the bonds that we share with others. Each independent bond is something unique in itself.

I, right now, and feeling an overwhelming amount of love. I must thank those around me for that.

On a totally un-related note, I wish to take this time to say that I did say *ew*</b> and she did indeed concur. This goes against the un-agreed to pact with karenbcrazy, but I have good reason: as per request.

Now, I must go to take care of things that I am neglecting at the moment. I have tapes to change, appointments to keep, and skipping out early.

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6:37am: What Does Shiva Know?
I have five cats, Banshee, Moe, Siduri, and the Buddha-Shiva. The Buddha-Shiva are actually brother and sister (respectively) from the same litter. Shiva is very interesting, because she seems to not like men at all. She loves women, but does not care for men. Very odd. Banshee and Siduri, on the other hand, having both been born under my bed, and two of the friendliest cats. Even to strangers they are willing to come up for attention and love.

Banshee, and the Buddha-Shiva are black cats. Moe is mostly white with some black splotches. Siduri is about half white, with the rest being tabby splotches. All of my cats are very beautiful, but I think Siduri (please do not tell Banshee) is the beautifullest.

This morning, Banshee was doing what she typically does, and she was sleeping with me. I found her between my legs. When my first alarm went off, I turned if off and Banshee stayed with me. Not very surprising, except for the amount of moving I had to do, I actually ended up picking the cat up with my legs. Under those circumstances, even Siduri would run away.

When my second alarm went off, I turned that off, and started petting Banshee, who had still not moved. She mewed her pleasure, and she actually even let me rub her tummy. This went on for about 10 minutes, when Buddha, the attention whore, came up. Banshee also jumped up at that time.

Uhm, if Banshee and Buddha just jumped up, who am I petting? I double, triple checked. This makes no sense. Shiva does not let me pet her, ever. Shiva never sleeps with me. Shiva certainly would not let me rub her tummy. For five more minutes, I continued to pet Shiva, including her tummy.

Why was Shiva letting me show her such love? Was it because it rained last night? She had not done that before. Was it because John was sleeping with me? When I sent him and his brother Robert off for bath-time, Shiva stayed. Besides, she had never done that before.

What is it, then, that Shiva knows? I suspect that Shiva noticed something coming from me, and it was something that was not entirely of myself.

I told you something wonderful happened, even Shiva noticed.

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6:31am: Good Morning!
I just got up, and I'm in a good mood.

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10:23pm: Ramblings
Something happened. Something absolutely wonderful.

I met a girl, well, actually I met her a couple years ago. She's smart, funny, attractive, and, the exact word I used, irresistable. The people in her life are all wonderful also. Seems that good begets good.

I'm very happy about this turn of events. This is going to be a very good thing, in many ways. Something new, yes. Also something wonderful.

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10:43pm: Thinking
First and foremost, a hearty congratulations to quasipsyco for joining the National Novel Writing Month. I wish her the best of luck on completing fifty-thousand words in a mere thirty days. Can she do it? Can I do it? We will find out.

Speaking of NaNoWriMo, I have not posted a lot as of late. I am keeping most of my ideas to myself at the moment, in order to more properly incorporate them in my upcoming novel. Unlike the past two years, I will not be doing simultaneous publishing to the web. I may include snippets in postings, though. Please do not expect a lot of updates in the month of November from me.

I've been thinking a lot about Karen recently. I know she is going through some really tough times at the moment, and I do not envy her position at all. One big thing I find, for lack of a better word, interesting about the timing: she became single at about the same time I realised that being single really sucks.

Oh, I am learning I really hate this. Trying to do it all on my own is very difficult indeed. Contributing to the fact that I am not really at all used to this. Bleah. I don't want to go on a rant about this at the moment, though.

Instead, I want to turn my attention to the current administration:

Dear President Bush:

A friend of mine's husband is in Iraq. He was recently shot in the line of duty. Thankfully, he is still alive and should recover with no long term ill effects. This man has put his life on the line for your Imperialism. He is not the first to be wounded, and he certainly will not be the last.

Many years ago, I served under your father during the first Iraq war, when we had UN backing to remove Iraq forces from Kuwait. Your father was reacting to an act of aggression. He stopped short of taking Baghdad. Your father also, along with the UN, levied a series of sanctions designed to thwart and cripple Hussein's warmongering plans.

Did you doubt your father's ability? Were you trying to show how how all grown up you are? Are you just trying to out-do your brother, the governor of Florida? Is this some kind of on-up-manship for the history books? Is this perhaps some desperate oil grab?

You are putting our nation's future at risk with your egotistical imperialism. I do not simply mean the fighting men and women that are overseas, but also the families that they leave behind. Every soldier in Iraq is a potential widow/widower and orphans back home. This is the future that you are creating, a future where single parents have to take care of children because their spouses were killed in an unjustifiable and illegal war.

We know, as you knew all along, that there were no weapons in Iraq. There was no threat to the US, or any other nation, posed. Everything you told us was a lie. That lie is costing us lives and heartache.

You give us a so-called tax break, probably with the intent of diverting our attention from the terrible mess you have created. You broke it, and now we have to fix it. The only war on terror that you are waging is the terror you wish to sow in the hearts and minds of your fellow countrymen.

Nothing changed on September 11, 2001. We just grew up a little bit. We now know to our very core that we are not safe. Nothing changed, because we never were safe. We still are not. You want to take this opportunity to remove our freedoms so you can impose authoritarian rules (cf: the PATRIOT Act) on your countrymen so you can go empire building, all in the name of chasing some bogey-man.

President Bush, shame on you. Shame on you for lying to us. Shame on you for your gross incompetence. Shame on you for trying to murder our brave servicemen.

Shame on you.

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